Okay...today I'm not my cool self because I feel like I'm on a verge of a mental breakdown. So I'm blogging because it will make me feel better. I'll be honest with you...my biggest fear is loneliness. To be honest, this semester has been really hard to live. This is the first time I've been totally by myself. The number of classroom hours sum up to four. I haven't seen the friends I hung out with, since none of them are in my class. I don't feel like an English major at all, not belonging to anywhere.

The rest of my time is spent working, tuitioning or doing my Final year paper. It's only the start of February and I feel like breaking down. As I begin to get used to the working world, I realize it is harsh. It is a lonely place. I have never felt so goddamm lonely before. Working by myself in my corner, facing the computer screen all day... tuitioning some bratty kids who waste their parents' money by fooling around... This pisses me off.

Its so unlike school. There is no one to guide you. NONE! You just have to prove your worth. (God help me man, cuz I really have nothing to prove). There's no support, nor encouragement. No person I can confide to. NONE.

Really really breaking down.... Crying does feel good for once. They are willing to convert me to a full-time coach asap. The pay is good (of course, it comes with the expected amount of work) But Why?! Why am I not happy? It is recession, people say.... 'you should stick to a job when you find one.' I so hate that. I want something better. And yet, I don't know what I want! it's tiresome searching for jobs, again and again.... I've repeated myself so many times: I don't want to be a MOE teacher. I don't want to go into teaching. But what else is there for me? What do I want to do? I've asked God so many times, but I still don't know. Am I being impatient? Probably. Yeah.... Persecutions arise for the word's sake but seriously, being patient seems so trying.... I am at my wit's end.

In a few months' time I am no longer a student. I will be a full fledged adult. (Turning 21 doesn't count) The thought of it scares me, do you know that? Sometimes I don't want to grow up. Sometimes, like now... I wish my life can just end here. A nice Fullstop. And then I can proceed straightaway to heaven. I guess these thoughts make me really paranoid. Is it natural to be this afraid of the future? My life has kind of changed drastically and I'm being thrown off my tracks.

It's like my head has been held underwater for the longest time and I am about to run out of oxygen to live. God I need air. I need refreshment. Right now before I decide not to breath any longer. I feel like giving up. Lord, I really can't take shit anymore. Help me ... please..... You who is faithful... please ... bring me out of my insanity.

1. I'm a morning person. Sometimes I wake up at 5.30 am to go for a swim or run. Feel free to join me.

2.I HATE Papayas - Bad experience when I was 5. Other than that, I'm open to any kind of fruit.

3. Alcohol doesn't really factor into my life. But I enjoy drinking Choya.

4. I lurve sushi, sashimi, curry katsudon, ramen and pratically all kinds of Japanese food.

5. I lurve lurve watching Japanese/ Korean dramas and anime online.

6. I lurve lurve lurve listening to Japanese pop/rock/ anime music. I'm rather selective about other kinds of music in general.

7. Can you believe that my main text for my final year Lit thesis is the anime, Ghost in the Shell?

8. I'm currently obsessed with coloured contact lenses with different patterns from Korea.

9. Don't buy me flowers on any occasion, especially on dates. It's a total waste of money. I hate to lug dead weeds home and watch them wither and rot on my table.

10. Buy me dark chocolates instead. =) My fav!

11. I have no qualms spending $$ dining out on good food and company.

12. Don't EVER make me watch horror movies! I get traumatized very easily and I will kill you in return as part of my trauma.

13. My dream car is a huge 8 seater MPV or a Jeep.

14. I have been trained to save drowning victims in the water.

15. Toastmasters is my favourite CCA cuz I like giving speeches.

16. At times, I get distracted easily from work by more interesting things around me.

17. I am quite greedy: Have found two jobs in this recession but am still looking for a better one.

18. I stopped watching TV since I was 13 years old

19. I stopped drrinking carbonated drinks like coke and sprite since I was 13 years old too.

20. I don't like eating steamboat outside as I question the freshness and the quality of the ingredients.

21. I arrange my wardrobe according to color (from the lightest to the darkest shade.)

22. I would love to own 5 dogs; a West Highland terrier, the Daschund, the corgee, the beagle and the Pomenarian, in my future house. Hope they can all get along well together.

23. After 4 years of procrastinating, I still haven't signed up for driving lessons. Obviously I'm meant to be chauffered.

24. I like being captured in photos only when I'm in the mood.

25. My 2009 ang-pow collection was damm good ...

It's a brand New Year. Hmm.. can't believe that 2008 has just whizzed by and now we're in 2009, the year of free favors from God for me. Heehee... This semester is by far the most free as I have only 2 very fun electives to take (excluding FYP of course.) I have started on my thesis and my main texts are from the Ghost in the Shell series. And since I'm doing science fiction, it's no surprise that Wagner is my advisor.... hmm... high expectations ya?

Please don't assume that I'm very free because half my week goes to coaching and tuitioning. I'm beginning to recognise the importance of time management, but I still feel damm slack at times like NOW... Ah.. just came back from dinner at ABC market with my family. Will blog more soon (hopefully). Once I've reinstalled photoshop on my laptop, I'll upload some December holiday pictures too!

(*PS... ooh... last thing: Thanks to Yujun, I've bought and worn my first pair of colored contacts. I look so chio! Lol.)

Ahh.. another breather. I'm currently in the midst of my exam period and I have thus completed 3 heavy papers so far (Public admin, adv modernism and the study of modern Eng). It seems like the majority of the exam load has fallen off my shoulders after 7.30pm yesterday because I am so done with the toughest papers this semester. To be honest, I was kind-of struggling through public admin =( *apparently studied for the wrong topic. I think I handled Advance modernism well. But it was a pleasant surprise that I found the linguistic paper do-able! Unlike the first test and all the tutorial sessions, I actually did the frigging paper... completed it with hardly any blanks! Sob* Praise the Lord...

This paper was the most worrisome of all my modules. Simply because I nearly flunked the first quiz and I came in empty-handed for most of the tutorial sessions, just to copy the answers to the analysis which should be done as homework. This cause me to realize that I haven't changed must since secondary school. I STILL don't do HOMEWORK! (Weekly tutorials etc)

Can you believe it? It's amazing that I survived for 4 years in NTU without doing weekly HOMEWORK! Well, I guess the only reason to my healthy grades is that most of the Eng Lit does not have tutorials of THAT sort. It's just one big-ass essay or essays worth 50% of the total grade.... and THAT... I can handle.

Wow... prior to this, I had no idea that doing tutorials were that important. *Pardon me for my blurness and ignorance.... cuz I'm living in a bubble. If I had taken the tutorials more seriously throughout the semester, I'm sure grades won't be an issue. -_- But I had enough sense to practice the tutorials over and over again right up to yesterday's evening paper.... and well... let's just trust God that it is well ya?

I still have two more papers next week. But I'm feeling more relaxed because I have more than a week to prepare for them. As usual, I highly suspect that my paper falls on the last day of the exam, just like former semesters. Why oh why? Why can't they shift our exams to an earlier date? I heard the comms students finish very early! I want to finish early too so I can have a longer December holiday (Tutioning, coaching and getting more money to spend for X'mas shopping ~ to heck with the recession).

Anyway... the good news that happened over these two months is that I have been offered to 2 jobs... working for 2 different companies dealing with the education sector in Singapore. I've signed on to the first company as a public speaking coach (I think some of you knew that). The second job is in the finalizing stages. What's happening is that the boss of my tution agency has asked me whether I wanted to covert to a full time staff upon graduation as he is revamping his company into a learning centre... which is cooler because tutioning aside, a learning centre is able to extend to areas like coaching etc etc... (which spells~ bottomline... big money in times of recesssion.)

On one hand, I am very excited because Singapore is a place where education is a big business. Sure, being a 'cher' in MOE is comfortable and respectable ... but I believe I'm not meant for that. MOE is a place for teachers with a real calling and love to teach students. I love to teach as well, but I can really do without all the dogmatic rules and regulations (Like no outrageously dyed hair~ no way man! I'm into dye and highlights! And I'll encourage my students who are old enuff to dye their hair as well, if they look better in it / And 'dress appropriatel'y... urgh... hello, I was one of those girls who get sentenced to detention for wearing ankle socks in JC.)

Reading articles about those teachers that suffer because they have to hide their private lives and live as a good example makes me sick to the core. So that's why a learning centre is a very good place for me to be a mentor who's a friend, and not a 'cher' who has to discipline. I think I'm a private sector-person... regardless of which sector I in.

Still, I'm not putting all my eggs into one basket. I'm still going to try out for that AIESEC work internship thingy as well as submit my resume to some companies that I've previously worked for or worked with. I'm also determined to get my driving license by next year and pursue my diploma in music (This is one unfinished skill that I'm good at.. and it will be a waste if I don't continue.) All I can say is that, at this point, I don't know what the future holds for me... but I know that God has made it good.

All right... enuff yabbering... here are some pictures from my family celebrating belated birthdays at Keyaki in Pan Pacific hotel...





Behold the ala carte Japanese buffet.... (Kushimbo pales in comparison because everything here is premium grade. Unforth... we footed the premium price too... say about $300 ++...

The food, especially the sashimi and baby lobster..... is simply FRESH FRESH FRESH and habit-forming... One bite into anything... say the manguro tuna belly and it melts in your mouth like butter! No kidding... it was a pampering session for my tongue and palette. I can never eat at low grade conveyor belt sushi restaurants ever again.









The food conoissers. (From left, Dad and Steph)
(Me and Mom)






Nom nom nom.... (me chewing on a softshell crab handroll)





One of the best meals of our lives.... you can tell my parents are happy.





Hehe... am trying a new photoshop brush with the words 'Nippon'. It did suit the context of the picture.





Well... I hope to visit this lovely restaurant again, when I graduate with a good job and a 'ahem' very cushy salary. =D

Hi. I'm going to do my last essay of this semester once I'm done with this post. With the PSLE and the primary school exams already over, I am slightly freer to blog these days. Here are the pics from NTU InspYre Halloween chapter meeting held last Tuesday. It was organized by You Jun and myself. I must admit that all the organizing and planning did cost us abit of our precious time, but it was all worth it as everyone had a blast. The turnout was good and the tabletopics extremely fun (Though some thought it was too challenging~ pfff!)

I came dressed as Hinata from the Naruto anime this year. You might be wondering why I chose to ahem.. cosplay her. Well, on the practical side, her jacket is the only wearable jacket of the lot of costumes and it does look nice (jacket's kind of cute!). I thought that if I were to buy something over $100, I need to be able to wear it again. Plus, the guy at the cosplay shop said likewise, so that's why I came as Hinata despite being so different from her personality.

And here are the people and the pics!









Faith~ the Uber Nerd (I take my hats off to her).
Eric ~ The Jiang Shi ~ mising his vamp teeth. (guy in chinese robe with KISS-like make up)
Me~ Hinata (Ain't I cute? teeheehee)
Helaine~ Princess Fiona with her Shrek plushie
Stephanie~ Gypsy (She won the best dress prize/ credits to my accessories)
Jasmine~ poison ivy (She won the most economical dress prize)
You Jun~ pirate from a bloody brawl with a knife in his head
Zhang Lei~ Akido master (don't play play)
San ~ Witch (Her speech was about poisoned food).
Fei Fei~ Princess with tiara (Tiara costs $3.oo)
Dennis~ Passing off as James Bond cuz he had presentation earlier. lol~
Angeline~ Artist (She really does look like one)

Helaine was soo cute as Princess Fiona. I kept disturbing her husband Shrek by poking him with the Kunai. Helaine is sooo dramatic.




(*Credits go to the brushes I downloaded form deviantart).

Maybe next we should come up with 'the most dramatic prize' next year so people like her can win something. I finally saw how she wore the wig on her head. The wig felt scratchy when I tried it on. (Gah... don't know how she can take it). Btw, the guys used my kunai to pop every single balloon after the meeting. It is after all a sharp object ^^.

Thanks guys, girls and members alike for dressing up and attending for this special event. NTU InspYre rules!

Okay.... it's been a month since I blogged and things just keep on accumulating in my life. So I guess the Hongkong pictures cannot be delayed any longer. Here's Part 1 of my Hongkong trip:

Our departure time for Hongkong was at 5am, an ungodly hour when most Singaporeans are still in slumber land. Travelling to HK on a budget airline was not airy-fairy either. I had a sore back after the plane touched down. Nevertheless, I'm glad the eight of us made it!





Upon arrival, the next rational thing would be to 'check in' our luggage into our hostel, Swire Hall, at Hongkong University. Thanks to Irene from HKU for providing such a comfortable and cheap place for us to stay. Frankly I was expecting rather dismal living conditions (as compared to the comforts of my home). But Swire Hall exceeded my expectations by a mile! Behold, my spacious air-conditioned room!




Ahh.... ultra-comfort throughout our stay. After unloading our stuff in our rooms, we then proceeded to Central for our first SHOPPING Spree. Central was really crowded that day because Hongkongers were celebrating the Chinese dumpling festival.




I did really spend much on day one (Only on one Muji top and a T-shirt) because I knew we had seven more days to go, but the other girls, especially Dixi had already splurged on apparel from Uni qlo and Zara in Times Square. How not to resist the latest trends right? Besides the fashion scene in Hongkong is wayy more updated than what we have at home.

Of course I went on a shopping rampage from day 2 onwards in bargain places like Mongkok (They have H & M there!) and the upmarket district of Tsim tsa tsui. Here are some group pics of these places (except the last two which were taken in the later days of our HK trip).





In addition, our kind host Irene arranged a tour of the HK uni premises with our guide, Toby, a graduate student of some engineering field. Through this tour, I learnt that the history of HKU was fraught with more urgent political controversies like NTU... they even had a pillar of shame erected in front of the student union center to remember the atrocity which happened at Tiananmen square. (I'm not showing it) But there were other pleasant facts about HKU too: Sun Yat Sen was a student there! Nice.





Besides touring HKU, we didn't forget the original purpose of our visit: To attend toastmasters meetings: Here are two of the venues that we went to. #1 HSBC Building for HSBC toastmasters club. Haha... I felt exclusive because you need a security pass to get in the building. heehee!




#2: Lingnan Toastmasters University. The university grounds seem more like a castle of some previous century. It would have felt kind of surreal if there weren't modern housing flats opposite the university. Walking through the university can make one feel so 'zen'. Then again, maybe because I was enjoying the quiet and calm of the evening. As Lingnan was situated in the new territories, pictures reflect the HK countryside. You can see Shenzhen, mainland China from there.





Part 2 will continue soon!

This is my 3rd time working with V-campus but instead of the usual teaching assistant job with Stanford EPGY (last week was with United College and Singapore American School, conducted at Chinese High), I'm now helping V-campus as an assistant event coordinator for Oracle Instructors Institute course. At first, my boss proposed to pay me only $300 for 5 days, but after learning that one of my tasks is to stand in as emcee for their opening dinner and dance, I did a little bit of bargaining with him and finally got him to up my pay to $350. Yeah... I know it's not much to some of you, but it's better than nothing. I was paid $50 for my emceeing stint at a convocation dinner too.

But wth..... those people-in-charge really milked every bit of the extra $50. For the first time in my life, I realized why people prefer student life to work life because the working world is RUTHLESSSSS!

Initially, I was perfectly fine with being the host of the dinner and dance. My thoughts were, 'Emceeing is a piece of cake. I'm a toastmaster yadda yadda...'

Yeah, you know what Esther.... it's all bullshit.

This is not la-la-toastmaster land. This is real work. And for real work, clients don't give a shit. For those of you who have seen me preparing for speeches, you will know that my rehearsals display the worse of public speaking. Mistakes, hiccups, wrong pronounciations etc etc etc.....

So my worse nightmares came true at yesterday's rehearsal when 2 of the people-in-charge suddenly barge into the room to evaluate my presentation and to 'offer feedback'. F.E.E.D.B.A.C.K. that made me feel smaller than an ant, scathing comments that made me doubt my public speaking abilities, and helpful suggestions that cause me to keep apologising profusely even though it wasn't my fault. To be honest, I nearly broke down in front of those people due to the bitchy atmostphere.

But...... I'm glad after being bombarded for the entire afternoon... I'm happy to say that everything went well during the dinner and dance. Yay..... I succeeded as a host (Prayed fervently in the toilet before everything started... and God came through for me... hallelujah.) It was major for me because all the V.I.Ps and executives from Oracle Corp were seated there. And I'm soooooo happy that they enjoyed themselves. (Sob* sigh.....). As some of the performances were arranged by the Singapore Tourism board, some of the STB executives came as well. And one of them gave me his name card! He told me that I emceed well and that I could always come to him if I ever needed a job or an internship. (YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!) All things did abound for my good! Now the worst is over and I can add yesterday's achievements to my resume.

As for the other $300, it comes from my duties; making sure that the buffet meals arrive on time, ensuring that guests are satisfied during their break, a minimal amount of printing sooo far, and the rest comes from me slacking in front of the computer when they are in meetings. =)

(P.S.* I even get to da pao the good food. =P) TATA!

Hi, it's been awhile since I blogged, (Hmm.. I always seem to say that...) but never mind. I was in Hong Kong for an 8 day toastmasters trip with my fellow club members, and the entire trip was enjoyable. The photos will be coming up shortly.

Right now it's getting late, so I will just barf out a highlight this past week. Many things have happened at the Civil Service Club where I work as a lifeguard. Initially everything was fine when I made friends with the personal trainers at the club gym. Some, like this girl, Baby-G, gelled with my temperament instantly. We had fun working out, trying to lose our fat in the gym together (Yes, personal trainers are not all body perfect).

Overall, the personal trainers and the lifeguards work in harmony. But things started to go down for me when one of the guy personal trainers tried to get 'close-r' to moi. Gosh, even as I am typing, I still find the entire encounter incredulous.

Very simple: He send me a 'wish-you-well cum watch-your-diet-in-HK' friendly sms before I departed for Hong Kong. Because I did not subscribe to roaming services, my phone was switched off till I landed back in Singapore.... tired, but full with happy memories....

And out of the blue, he send me an sms: Hi Sayang, how's the weather there? (So far so good) Do take care of yourself ok? (Orh.) Actually, I am missing you alot. (HUH?) Sorry for bothering you (What absolute Shite!)

WTF.... seriously! That was soo bloody random! I felt so insulted. How could someone from the club; THE CLUB THAT I WORK AT..... (Breathes*) dare to get fresh with me? Huh HUh HUH????? Who does that block of wood think I am? Do I look that EASY?

I was so pissed... so I sent him a rather curt reply: Yo dude. Thanks for your concern, but I don't need it. Also, you have no right to address me as Sayang. I have never been your sayang, am not your sayang and certainly will never be your sayang ever. (How could you ever think it was possible?!) I do have a name in case you didn't notice. I still believe you are a nice dude. Wish you all the best, but you are definitely barking up the wrong tree. Are we clear on this? =) (To think I even bothered to add a smiley).

Grosssssss...... let me roughly describe the kind of person he is: Well, on the plus side, he does have a hot muscular bod. He won 3rd place for fitness competition..... But I'm simply not interested. To be really honest, I'm a 'face person' that's why. And his face spells 'poserish-bad boy rapper wannabe'. Some other stupid girl might like this kind of 'dangerous playaar' but not me. His face spells trouble.

In addition, he smokes. Bleh.... I don't care how fit you are/ how you maintain your hot bod/ how you watch your diet. Once a guy smokes, he's off the list..... One other main reason why I don't look his way is because he is Muslim. Sure I do have Muslim friends. Nothing personal or religious, but I don't date Muslims. They won't date me either for obvious reasons.... both sides are mutual. (If you don't get it, then you're really dumb).

Last thing that might piss some of you off.... He didn't complete his education. On this aspect, it's just me. I prefer guys who are educated period. Well, I won't exactly strike someone with no education off the list, but that someone has better be damm successful in his career. And trust me, that personal trainer is not even a millionaire... so he can forget about it.

Notice that I didn't bother mentioning that I have a boyfriend? Not that it is not important. I bring out the subject of 'boyfriend' only when I deem the other fella worthy of competition. This guy? LOL.... need I say more?

I know I sound very bitchy and arrogant right now but I deserve to vent this 'shite' out on my blog. It's my only breathing space. If you don't like it, feel free to press the 'x' on the top right hand anytime. Anyway... I made a complaint to my senior colleague, my supervisor as well as his gym manager... and from what I observe so far, everyone is having a good laugh at him. Right now, I got the feeling that he's too embarrassed to face me. But whatever; this is life. We are human after all.

But......

In my case, I think DaddyGod has ridiculously bestowed undeserving favor on me because that bloke still customized a training/fat-loss program for me. That fella is known to be a sadist trainer who produces good results among all his female clients. No joke... I tried it out with the girl trainer, Baby-G and boy... it was tough.... and effective. I lost 2% of fat and 1 kg right the very first time! It was unbelievable. For those of you who are interested in losing weight like I am, you can follow his program (If you dare):

Cross-trainer workout (Cardio): 20mins, level 6, heartrate RPM above 70.
Warm up stretch
Crunches 4 sets x 20
Crunches (Elbow to knee) 2 sets x 20
Inclined Chest press: 3 sets x 15 (Weights 5kg)
Compound raise: 3 sets x 10 (Weights 3kg)
Lat pulldown (triceps): 3 sets x 15 (Weights 6.5kg)
Tricep pressdown: 3 sets x 15 (Weights 12kg)
Bicep curl: 3 sets x 15 (Weights 3kg)
Leg press: 4 sets x 15 (Weights 55kg)
Leg curl: 4 sets x 15 (Weights 26kg)
Leg extension: 4 sets x 15 (Weights 26kg)
Side leg raise: 3 sets x 25
Floor trunk twist: 3 sets x 12
Plank position (Followed by 'cat-curl' stretch) 3 sets x 30 seconds.
Cool down stretch.

That bloke's advice: do it 5 times a week. Rest well on weekends. Abstain from all carbohydrates for two months and you will not only shed all the extra pounds, but maintain your shapely figure. It is also hard to gain back the weight you would have lost too....

Tempting... but I'll probably start on the workout officially after I join a proper gym. Feel free to join me.

Hi all, I have yet again been bombarded with a busy work schedule ever since the start of May. The updates in my life have snowballed till I realized that I have a lot to blab about. For those of you who don't know, I signed on a short internship with this company called V-Campus as a teaching assistant to Stanford University EPGY (Don't ask me what it stands for) creative writing program for SCGS girls (Sec 1-3). It's quite a mouthful, I know. But there's no other way to explain it.

And soo.... Rathi and I were the T.A.s to the brilliant Lee Konstantinou from Stanford University. I'm actually relieved that I got on well with everybody throughout the course because the lecturers that I worked with a few years back in N.I.E. were quite dogmatic. But it was easy to work with Lee who was easy going. (No probs with Rathi of course, as we're in the same course). Hmm.. about the students themselves...

Initially, I had mixed feelings about being a T.A. in an independent school because I was told that some of the girls are exceptionally gifted. And I'm not joking. The 10 day course was very intense throughout, as the girls have to complete 300-500 word drafts almost everyday. And by the end of the course, they had to write a 2000 word short story. Even the university workload isn't that intense! I was stunned when some of them told me they were used to it. (.....) No wonder they ace their studies. (Brains + practice + practice......) will sure get you somewhere.

Overall, I enjoyed my time as a T.A. I'm so happy to see the girls actively participating in class discussions. This is so rare as most schools only don't practice this culture. Mostly, it is the teacher who happens to be the only ones talking in a dead class. (How do I know? I'm one of the zombies too.) And even though we didn't win the best skit at the end of the course, I'm still so proud of their enthusiasm and talents. Haha.... I think I'm gushing like an idiot. Lol.

One of the girls uploaded the skit on youtube. If you're interested, click here to watch. It's basically about a couple who quarrels, separates, and tries to reconcile with each other, while watching a movie in a cinema. If you are wondering if this looks familiar, the idea actually came from a skit done during my 1st 3 months orientation. (Credits to the genius who came up with it, though I don't know your name).

And here's a blurry pic of my entire class. (Sorry. This is all I received so far).



Will blog more tomorrow... Promise.

Exams are finally overr!!!! ROAR! I'm so happy I can scream non stop, except the fact that people will think I'm crazy. Blogging has not been part of my life lately because of the influx of essays (Apparently I had more essays to do this sem) and the grueling revision for exams. Post modernism was my last paper. In my opinion, it was the toughest out of all the subjects. I didn't do that well at all for my post mod essay (Got a B). I was squirming in front of Murphy when I went to collect my essay as his remarks about my essay were rather appalling. =( In general, there was much to be said about the syntax and grammar that affected my ideas in the essay. But after confessing to him that I was not enjoying every moment of in the writing process, I was embarrassed because he told me that my attitude was reflected in my writing.... gah....

Whatever... there were others like me who 'suffered' too. I am so not a post mod. person. Realism RAWKS my socks baby.... Did well in all the other realist modules (essay wise; especially in American literature). Never gotten so many As in my life at one go.... I am contented. (Bliss*)

Yesterday was quite a bit of a shock as something happened to my dad's leg. Some of you may know that he has a clot on his leg for several years now, but blood unexpectedly burst from his leg yesterday. We were all freaked out because the floor looked like a murder scene. My dad happened to step on his blood and his footprints left a bloody trail on the floor (Like the escape of the murder or something). My mum and my sis quickly dashed him to the hospital, leaving me to clean up the bloody mess. FREAKY.... I have never cleaned a pool of blood before. The thought that it was my dad's blood scared me into the realization of the importance in the matters of life and death and I never prayed so hard, while cleaning the floor with shaky hands. But thank God, my dad's bleeding was not life threatening. He came home by midnight with a bandage wrapped around his leg. He took leave today and is back to normal (Thanks for all your prayers).

Now... that exams are over, I've decided to look around for an internship program to gain experience during the holidays. I didn't sign up with the school's internship program because (1) I couldn't be bothered and (2) I guess I can use the 3AUs for some other interesting subjects. I'm in the midst of typing out my resume so I can start submitting to wherever I want asap.

If you're bothered to know about that financial crisis I endured awhile earlier, well, I'm still making my payments on time without starving my ass off. It's amazing that tithing with a revelation of Christ is really powerful, although it is expected that only some of you will know what I'm talking about.

What else? Oh.... my table is in a mess. Always is after exams. It's called the ravages of post exams. The shelf above me is overloaded with files since year one and I'm very amazed that it hasn't sagged under all the weight of the thick files accumulated over the years. I counted the files in total. I have 5 thick files of A level history and 5 thick files of A level lit (They do come in handy sometimes) and (Shudder*) I have more than 30 THICK files of literature since year 1.... It is certainly worth more than a group of trees combined. Gawd... how am I going to clear them all????

Whatever... I have enough time to clear everything. Now I would really want to slack. But not before introducing my latest major crush to you guys.... My boyband crush (gah! Feel like an adolescent again) is this Korean confection called Super Junior which is a 13 member group resembling somewhat like Johnny Jr. and Morning Misume. I wanna blame Yujun for introducing me to this fabulous group because I'm hooked onto their variety and drama/ comedy shows on youtube and crunchyroll. Hee... never had so many superficial crushes at one go. =D Anyway here is my current favourite picture of them.



Top row from left to right: Hee Chul, Sung Min, Dong Hae, Siwon, Hankyung and Eunh yuk.
Bottom row (Ditto): Kang In, Ye Seung, Ryeo wook, Shin Dong, Kyu hun, Kibum and Leeteuk. Feel free to guess my favorite members..... heehee...

SLACKING TIME IS NOW>....... tata!

It is a good ending to the Toastmasters International Speech Contest (Area Level). Two days ago, Chrystella and I represented our club, NTU InspYre at the area contest. I contested for the International speech while Chrystella contested for the table topics.

Good news..... we both won. (Well, for me, I was the 1st runner up for International speech, but Chrystella was the champion for table topics. =D So she will be representing our club at the division level on the 26th of April.

Initially I was slightly peeved that I didn't win. However, considering that it was my first international speech contest, and that the auntie that I lost out to was a heavy weight, annnddd, that my speech was a very last minute effort, I think I did brilliant! HAHA.... Well, to stay on the positive side, this speech was a brand new speech from the one I did about my debt.

I was supposed to do that speech for the contest. But I felt that I've gotten over the misery and the angst and I didn't feel like bringing myself to rehearse a tragic 'high' and rehash what that B**ch has done to me. Because I felt more cheery these few weeks after I handed up 2 essays and gotten an A- for Ethnic American response (Sorry for ummm bragging... but I feel happy).

Annnddd, the speech I did on Monday can be counted as my project 9! In other words, this was my ninth speech. I have one more to go before I become a competent communicator. (It's all about ranking lah... you understand?)

Everyone thought that this was my best speech ever. And after awhile, I'm happy with the outcome in getting second place because I don't need to compete during exam period! HAHA..... I think I rather come in second place with this speech than get first with the previous speech. Really, this speech is wayyyy better.... A better way to deal with fear. (*Bear in mind that all of my speech comes from inspiration. None of it is true except the dolphin part, which inspired me after watching a myth busters video clip)

Soooo, presenting to you my winning project 9 speech : A mere four letters.

Splash! A colorful beach ball landed with a ‘plop’ in the middle of the pool. The outdoor party was lively. Men with growling stomachs grilled sausages and chickens wings by the barbeque pit. Their wives gathered round for a healthy dose of ‘chit-chat’. Boisterous kids ran all over the place. Everyone was having fun! No one noticed the beach ball … except for one little girl. Determined to retrieve the ball, she stepped gingerly into the water. Seconds later, panic and pandemonium broke out as a desperate cry for ‘help!’ came from the little girl floundering in the water. Someone dived in, scooped her out and brought her to safety. The little girl was saved! But her confidence was shattered.

Contest Chair, honorable judges, Ladies and gentlemen. I was that little girl who nearly drowned over a plastic beach ball. At the age of 3, I experienced the overwhelming smite of FEAR for the very first time. F. E. A. R. Fear! A mere four letters! But it can render a strong man powerless! Fear is not a pleasant thing indeed. Most of us would prefer to abide within the bright areas of our lives that are always familiar. If we had a choice, we would avoid the dark alleys of weaknesses where fear lurks as it will wait for its chance to pounce upon our backs and devour us unaware!

Because of the intractable Fear that gripped my fragile heart, I shunned all possible contact with water. From the early days of my childhood, the paranoia in my life became so extreme to the extent that I dare not go near to the edge of a pond to feed ducks! Embarrassing moments like these cause me curl up miserably and cry! Dear toastmasters, did you recall those ugly times when you were paralyzed by fear? Often, the daunting waves of cowardice would sweep through our minds and intimidate us to adopt an attitude of defeat. Willingly, we raise our hands in surrender, declaring ourselves as the tragic losers of our lives, causing us to be bitter, envious and resentful. Why? Why can’t we just run away from our problems?

Running away is easy. Just root ourselves to our own comfortable spot. But we limit the vast possibilities of life, whenever we fence ourselves in. Honestly, I wanted to avoid water forever. But my perspective was altered when my father sat me down on the sofa to watch a documentary. For once in my life, the beauty of the water unraveled itself to me in the form of this wondrous creature called the Dolphin. I was mesmerized when they leap and frolic among the crashing waves. I watch in amazement as their streamline bodies’ dive into the depths of the deep blue sea. Even the aggressive Great white sharks shrank away from them. Wow! How unbelievably awesome!

Watching them swim made me realize something: Dolphins are not afraid! Despite so many dangers, they continue riding the choppy waves with glee, fearlessly chasing away menacing sharks! In essence, they are masters of the sea. A sense of motivation stirred within my heart: I want to be just like them! I want to dance in the water! Surely, I will overcome my fear! It helped that my father was there. Because he proceeded to ask, ‘are you ready to sign up for your first swimming lesson?’



I’m glad I said ‘yes’ to swimming that day as I have never looked back. ! Bit by bit, I regained my confidence in the water during my swimming lessons. To all who are here tonight, I urge you to be like the dolphin in conquering the sharks of fear! Dare to turn around and stare at fear without flinching. Let’s charge forward with victory and watch fear flee before our very eyes. As for me, 10 years have passed and here I am proud to announce that I recently completed a 5 kilometer swim in one hour and 51 seconds! A total of one hundred laps in the pool. My friends, we shouldn’t wonder, ‘how to stop fear’. The question we ought to ask ourselves is ‘how much do we want to succeed? Because in our hearts, we know we are created to overcome obstacles; to grow from strength to strength and to gain control over our own destiny. Once again, I present to you a mere 4 letters; F.E.A.R: Face it, eradicate and rule in your life. Contest Chair.

Yup. I really hope you like it. Because the speech brought me on a new level of 'high' when I said those words with conviction.

Also, NTU InspYre's last meeting was yesterday. And it was a blast! Everything went well. We bought two cakes, (One for b-day celebrations and the other was a pre-exam cake). The attendance was at its peak! The speeches were brilliant and quirky. The evaluation speeches were smoooth... the table topics were interesting (Good job Eric), and the games were the BEST!

Peals of laughter abounded throughout the whole room for 45 minutes. Everyone participated in the speech games conjured up by Putu. This speech game thingy is really a good idea. I'm so proud that we came up with it because it brought the members of our club, close together. It is unlike a normal chapter meeting where everything is hmm... formal and hmm... standardly fine. I really felt that we as NTU InspYre, have found our place as a club that knows how to have looads of fun, how to improve ourselves and encourage each other. In essence, I believe we have found our club identity that is distinctive, unique and spectacular to our own. I thank you all who have made yesterday's meeting a great success!

Right now, I gotta dash off for a job briefing. It's coaching again... but with a different company. One that hopefully pays ON TIME. Hee. =P

These two weeks have been filled with madness. I tell you, the recess week wasn't a break at all. It just meant no classes at school. But I was occupied with assignments all the same. In order to hand my post-mod essay up on time, I canceled my lifeguard shift on Sunday (Boo!) to gain extra time. I remembered I slept at 3am this Monday morning just to write my final point. And I seriously thought I would have a week to breathe before I start on my next essay.

FAT CHANCE..... Monday afternoon came and Dr. B.S. reminded us that we have to hand in our African lit essay the following Monday. My only reaction was WTF! Not again! The feeling was the same as when I did 300 butt lifts in a gym class only to rest for one second before being pushed by the trainer to do the next set.

Today's Thursday and let's just say that I've managed to get started on my essay. Although I do not have an exact thesis in words, I do have an idea of what I'm going to write about. Another good thing is that I felt the worse storm (Post-mod essay) is over! I really struggled with words even though I liked my chosen text (Italo Calvino's Invisible Cities), because the whole process was so slippery! There are no obvious points that you can hold onto, which simply frustrates me.

On the other hand, writing an essay for African Lit seems much easier as I'm more of a post-colonial-realist. What's more is that I have the secondary sources are powerful enough to sustain my thesis and that I'm familiar with the book (Yea! Chinua Achebe and heart of darkness). This will be the 3rd time I'm using Joseph Conrad's heart of darkness novel (That book never seems to go away.....) but it will be a supporting text to 'Things Fall Apart' instead. To make things more interesting, I'm also using Herge's Tintin in the Congo (A damm racist text) as a secondary source for intertextuality.

And if you didn't notice, I've reverted my blog to one of the older layouts made by my cousin, Yujun. I was a very diligent blogger when this layout was given to me. Guess I missed those days... where there are no distractions like facebook and multiply. Just good old blogspot.

Last thing before I go back to doing my essay: I've made a new banner just for fun. This time my poster-boys are from 12012 (The lead vocalist and one of his members, dunno their names) they happened to pose in the right way. Making the banner was somehow therapeutic to my brain too. Hope you think its nice.



TATA!

Sorry for not blogging in such a long time. Something really bad happened to me over the Chinese New Year period and it made me so upset... but I've now gotten over it more or less. And I have to say that at least one good thing came out of it; my project 8 speech (Use of visual aids) which was presented at yesterday's Toastmaster International Speech contest (Club level) won first prize! Yay.... It meant a lot to me this time round that I was the club champion because it literally contained my life (Mainly about what had happened).

The speech you're about to read is in a raw finished form but basically contained the gist of what had happened. (Glad that my parents are happy with my win. And thanks to all the peeps and contestants; especially Putu, Agam, Chrystella, Shreya, Zhang Lei, Faith and Yuen San who listened to my speech.) Here goes:

It was a bright and sunny morning. After giving a good YAWWNNn, I literally woke up with a big grin on my face: Contest Chair, honorable judges, ladies and gentlemen, that day was CHINESE NEW YEAR! (Flashes ang pow!) It was the time of the year where I get a substantial boost in my annual income from all the visiting! But little did I know that my happiest season of February was crushed (Crush and throw away Angpow) just moments after.

A warning letter arrived in the mailbox, specifically addressed to me: ‘Dear Miss Esther Yap, we regret to inform you that if you do not make the full payment of 2112 dollars and 69 cents within seven working days, we will have no choice but to take legal action against you for this hand phone account was registered under your name. What have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE? (Drops the letter) It was then that I knew my WORST FEARS had finally caught up with me.

4 years ago, I registered a hand phone account for my ex-tutor under my name, simply because she needed a phone line. After all, ‘what’s in a name’ and besides, I knew her for many years now. She WILL DEFINITELY pay her bills on time right? …. It turned out that I was wrong. The character of man can indeed become unpredictable in desperate times. I know that because she chose to run away from her problems, leaving me behind as the guarantor to deal with her mess.

Did you remember how it was when your worst fears caught up with you? The circumstances leading to fear can be very cruel right? (Pause) That day, I just cried; over the betrayal of trust, over my own foolishness, over a HUGE DEBT that has wrongfully become mine! Ladies and gentlemen, in the troubles that beset all of our lives, (Loud urgent tone*) who can really help us?! Who can really accept the mistakes we make? Who can really pick up the broken shards of life, piece them back together and move on?!

For me, I can’t turn to my friends for financial assistance. There’s no point borrowing money from one source just to pay another! I could always depend on my parents to bail me out of trouble. But if I allowed that to happen, I am no better than that complacent and irresponsible person like my so-called friend. In such circumstances, fear can seem really daunting, looming over me, like a formidable enemy threatening to destroy my life. In times like these, I really want to be a coward and run away from it all! Only that I didn’t run when I was afraid. The truth is the only person who can deliver my life from the fears and troubles of my own making was… me.

Despite all the hurts, I swallowed my fears and called the phone company to negotiate a payment plan in installments. Guess what? It wasn’t as bad as I thought as the management was agreeable to my proposal. Initially I was fearful about not being able to make payments on time. But after realizing that fear can only paralyze me when I allowed it to enter my heart, I changed my mind about the whole situation and chose to see my problems, not as obstacles, but as opportunities presented in my life for me to mature and become a wiser person! In the midst of distress, I challenged myself to rejoice when I paid my debt as I know that each settled payment brings me one step closer to my financial freedom.

So far, I have already made my first payment, but unlike before, I have essentially stopped being fearful. Like the birds flying in the air, fear will always be encircling our lives, be it in school where one frets over exam results or at work where one worries about getting retrenched. We can’t stop troubles from flying above us but I’m sure we can stop trouble from building a nest of fear on our heads.

Often, many of us wish for a troubled-free life with no fear. But you know what? That’s not life! Because we will sometimes encounter incidents in our lives that may not go our way. Yet, I believe that we can choose whether to perceive our situation negatively and shrink away in fear, or to embrace our circumstances as a positive challenge that will enrich our lives. So dear friends, from now onwards, join me in taking on life’s exciting battles, because we know that victory is ours for certain when we dare to feast upon our troubles. So … Bring it on!

Yep... that's basically what happened to me. I've learned from my stupidity ... never to be a guarantor again, never to really depend and trust ANYONE regarding money matters. I'm glad that I learned this lesson early because others have lost bigger sums of money in the hundred-thousands and millions.

If any of you still wonder whether I'm in good shape, don't worry. I'm good. God has been good to me. (He gave me favor to win the contest! Yippee!) I count my blessings everyday now and I'm already on my way in getting out of this shit.

Btw.... to Mrs. Jennifer Lee (I'm not going to protect you anymore) .... whom I've really trusted and respected prior to this.... I would say that I'm VERY disappointed that you, who had been a strong influence in my adolescent life, chose to disappear completely without any explanation. Presuming that you have not been shot dead by your OTHER CREDITORS and your son hasn't gotten a heart attack from paying all your debts, I hope, against all hope that you will pay me back what you owe. Feel free to contact me to return all my money. (My number is still the same. I'm still the same.... I won't bite you even after you've done all this to me).

I'm not going to send the cops after you, neither am I going to curse you, nor persecute you. Since you still claim to be of the Catholic faith (Whatever...) I'm not afraid to say that God sees what you are doing and it is not a good testimony really. If you feel bad for me, don't be... FEEL BAD FOR YOURSELF because DaddyGod will make sure that I will never be shortchanged.

Enough said about this tragic- heart breaking saga of my life..... I'm out for now...

Shanghai trip photo-log....

Four words: I enjoyed myself throughly.

It was my second trip with Grand Sun co. and this 'business' trip turned out to be really a holiday for me and my cousin (Let's call him Qing short). We were so glad that both of us were going. In addition to that, we made new friends with the people who are under my mother's business line. People like Jacqueline and Abigail, who 'clicked' with us right after the first day! It's a divine connection because you guys were family to me on this trip. I'm soo looking forward to the next G.S. trip where we can travel together again! (Cheers*)

Anyway, here are the places we've visited:

Chen huan miao (Super touristy with almost nothing to buy.)




Nanjing lu (Somewhat like the former too.) We had a pleasant ride on the tram as it took us through the entire stretch of Nanjing lu. Qing high-5ved with those kids on the top-left picture as they passed by us. My parents also celebrated their 23rd wedding anniversary on that day too! Great marriage.




Xintiandi (Another touristy area with nothing to buy... unless you're filthy rich.) Beautiful X'mas and New Year decorations though. It was at this place where we all bonded really well over dinner at Ding Tai Fung (Yeah... so boring right? Why go there when the franchise is already in Singapore.) But nvm.... the Hot Chocolate from Starbucks was wonderful too!




Food! From cheng huan miao and Nan jing lu. Yes.... the shopping was so not worth it, but the food left me speechless and my stomach craving for more... and more and MORE! Oodles of Spicy-sour-sweet glass noodles from chen huan miao and fried xiao long pao that squirts the goodness of pork broth into your mouth with every bite. And they have Da long pao with the straws that allow you to suck the goodness of the broth, before you take a big bite! And sticks of fishballs, meatballs cooking in different broths at road side stands. The perfect snack for warming one up in cold weather. Ahhh..... (Nostalgia*)





Yep! Some more Food! Hairy crab from Ba cheng (Suzhou area) with Grand Sun Spa company. It was totally the company's treat! The crabs were off season by one month but this slip was negligible. Because the creamy white stuff and the rich crab roe occupied half the crab! Slightly below, Shanghai hotpot with an endless spread of marinated sweet meats (including sliced beef!) only for Singapore $10! A picture is worth a 1000 words and I have more than one picture. Just see for yourself.




Count-down to 2008 in my hotel room! After the hairy crabs, we traveled back to Shanghai and spent the countdown in my hotel room playing card games. There was no money involved so we all decided that the consequence for the loser of that round would have his/her face drawn. Yeah.... we've made a fool of ourselves.... =)




Qi Pu lu~ The fun but oh so dangerous local shopping district. Aha! The shopping finally started! From the buying of fake branded goods to bargaining for the 1/5th of the originally quoted price, we did our best to comb this place. But it was challenging and rather irritating because we were constantly hounded by touters trying to persuade us to 'visit' their store, which has 'everything' and it's 'totally fine, if we don't want to buy anything'. RUBBISH. There was a robbery just the day before when a reluctant tourist who agreed to visit one such store but left without buying anything; got robbed by the same bunch of people! Atrocious..... Sigh.... one has to be street smart and watch out constantly for one's belongings in this district. What an exciting experience!
hehehe....





Of course, locals would say that you've never visited Shanghai till you've visited Shanghai tan (The Pan). Behold, the famous skyline of Shanghai from its river bank. And the cruise.




Cruising on Huanglu jiang (River) We spent the entire hour freezing our asses off on the top deck for the sake of pictures and more pictures. I think I took more than 20 pictures of the same famous Pearl tower from different orientations. Sigh... the obssession with famous buildings has started. (Imagine my disappointment when I returned to Singapore... to a rather boring skyline.) Shanghai, it's your fault for taking my breath away....




I've got so much more to say..... but I don't have enough time. I do hope the pictures will suffice. Anyway... I really love Shanghai. Am so glad that I've ended 2007 on such a memorable note. =P

Happy New Year to you! I just came back from Shanghai yesterday with loads of fun memories and pictures of that place. But meanwhile, here are the pictures from my canoeing one star class and the KL trip with Zaidah. I don't have much time because I need to workout (Too much good food) before the day is over, so let the pictures speak for themselves.

First, the coverage is on my one star kayaking course on the 15th and 16th of December. There was a mini expedition thrown in on the second day after we've learn everything we ought to know from one star. So we paddled from Kallang Basin to the Esplanade and back. The total distance was 4km. Hmm... rather grueling for a first timer like myself. But I found the experience challenging in an exciting way. Thanks to Lisa for bringing the whole class together and thanks to Jessica and Nor for being such sporting teachers. (Jessica btw, happens to be my secondary library school senior...a small world indeed.)

Pictures from my one star kayaking course with Paddle Culture.








I sooo wanna continue with two star and so forth.....

Next, my KL trip with Zaidah. Props to Zai for suggesting the trip in the first place because we really dug into the Kuala Lumpur vibe, heartlands style. This meant learning to take the BMW (Bus, monorail, walk). Mistakes were made in terms of transport arrangement. Nevertheless all things abound for good because we know we will never buy 2nd class train tickets again (Only first class and above because they serve you milo~ lol!)

Also, I learned that Zaidah is a mad shopper. You gotta have STAMINA (I'm not joking) to shop with her. We shopped alot. I mean ALOT... all the way from Sugai Wang, Times Square, Lot 10 to KLCC Suria ... to the extent of travelling to Bangsar where Midvalley Megamall is.

We also managed to catch a movie (Golden Compass) and went wild all the indoor theme park in Times Square. I sneaked in my camera on the rides even though cameras are banned so I managed to capture quite a few airborne shots. Unfortunately, one ride (DNA mixer) got to me because it really messed up my insides. It took me 5 hours and one chocolate indulgence cake from Secret receipe to restore me back to normal.

Lastly, I really recommend the Haven Guesthouse. That's where we stayed during our trip. Believe me, it is as good as a 4 star hotel without your own private bathroom and toiletries. But who cares? The common toilet is spanking clean and you get to see handsome Caucasian studs walking about in their briefs as if they are in their own house. (Zaidah is blushing*) Bringing your own toiletries won't hurt. +)



Overall, I think I love Time Square most because of the theme park.



That's all for now. I'm in the midst of looking through my Shanghai pictures. Will be back shortly!

Oh man.... so much for promising to blog. I've been a jerk for not blogging at all! Wails* Initially I wanted to blog before going to KL because so many things had happened. Okay, let's do everything chronogically.

Starting from last Saturday and Sunday. Lisa with her superb networking had managed to form a one star canoeing class for Jessica (who surprisingly turned out to be my secondary school senior from library~ small world indeed!) In summary, I was part of the class and I had loads of fun (I've got loads of pictures to show for that) learning how to deal with a capsized canoe and embarking on a mini kayaking expedition from Kallang Basin to the Merlion and back (Waving to the Ducktour people on the way).

The pictures are already up on facebook, but I still want to do a photo-log on blogger. (Gah!) Will do it soon, before I leave for Shanghai.

Ya. Speaking of which, I will be off to Shanghai from the 28th to the 3rd of January (Countdown to 2008 abroad). Hmm... I need winter clothes because all my old ones simply don't suit me anymore (So last century). Heehee, will be off to Sungai Wang, Lot 10 and Times Square later!

You might be wondering how I am in Kuala Lumpur in the first place. It just happened that Zaidah called me randomly and suggested a get-away trip to KL. And I randomly said yes, why not? And tata! After last minute attempts to book train rides and accomodation, we came across the Haven Backpackers Lodge in KL city center. Really cozy place to stay for tourists. And it's cheap~! Woot!!!!

So here we are now.... We'll be here till the 23rd night. That's all for now. Time to shop!

Oh man! I'm sorry for not blogging for so long even after exams are over. I woke up this morning thinking what on earth have I not done while I'm online and it is BLOGGING. It's as if I've forgotten how to blog! Haha..... blame facebook duh, I was successful in resisting invites to join for the first 3 attempts but that's about it. Facebook is seriously addictive! Somehow after adding so many applications (naughty gifts hehe.... and booze mail for example) your life is suddenly reduced to sending online gifts to your friends. You can practically live online, which is quite freaky if you think about it.

I really hope (with good expectations) that my exam results are fine. That my GPA will never drop but increase..... that's every student's dream. Sigh!

I just had my sec 4F class reunion last Saturday. It was organized by (Surprise surprise!) Mei Ching and Aaron. At first I didn't believe the bbq invitation was real because those two jokers called me in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. As I answered the phone groggily, it affected my unconscious as I continued to wonder why did M.C. call me with Aaron's phone....

Ahh... after much deliberation with my friend S.Y. we decided to check out the class reunion for curiosity's sake. Gah.... Hmm.... how to put it in words? I'm glad I satisfied my curiosity by going, but seeing all my classmates made me uncomfortable. Care to know why?

I was never (So called) 'ONE' with my class. That's right uni friends.... the Esther you see today is very different from the teenage Esther. Yup.... that 16 year old girl had friends in class, but she also made enemies. Unfortunately for last Saturday, there were more obnoxious people around (There were nice people too! But the obnoxious people are more irritating!) than friends.
The bbq was a true bragging fest. One guy who used to sit in front of me in class (With a pretty big mouth) bragged the most.... Sigh... it's been 5 years and he has never changed one bit. Same kind of arrogance, same kind of swagger...la di da the rest. Somehow at that bbq, the Esther of today felt like she was reduced to that 16 year old girl. Gah!

Still, the outcome was good as I did realize some of my ex-classmates are actually quite easy going. Those are the people who actually outgrew the childishness and snobbery... I'm so glad that we were able to converse like adults for once. (Grins* thankfully none of them have access to this blog) I will definitely stay in touch with them.

Oh and lastly, Zaidah and I are planning a short trip to KL and we are looking for more people to go with us. We are going to travel by a 2nd class sleeper train (By night) there and back. Train fares cost around SGD$35 to K.L. and 35 ringgit back. It's unfair but we can do nothing about it. And we were thinking of staying in a backpackers lodge instead of a hostel. Don't worry, there is a guarantee that the rooms are pest-free. We'll most probably be staying in the lodge for 2 nights ($30 per person). I believe the entire trip will cost less than SGD $100. It will even be cheaper than the May trip to Bintan. So if you are interested, do let me or Zai know asap okay?

Thanks! And have a great week.... I'm back to downloading stuff. hehe!

Yay... now that exams are over for me, I'm back to the blogging scene for now. It seems like my December holidays are going to be packed even when I'm not traveling out of town. Boo... it's not fair, Kevin is going to Las Vegas for 3 weeks and I'm stuck in Singapore. The weather is really erratic these days and I nearly caught a cold last night when the wind blew my blanket off. I struggled for 10 minutes deciding whether to get up and retrieve the blanket or continue to lie down in sleepiness, shivering. In the end I got up because it was really freezing.

I still can't believe my exams are over. Yesterday seemed like another high tensioned world altogether. I woke up at 5am to study the last bit of pop culture theory (Ya struggling with Gramsci and Althusser) and I didn't do that question in the end! The exam wasn't that bad except I sat at the wrong seat! (Opps! My bad.) And KC gave me that 'look' that says 'WTF you think you're doing?!' before telling me that I was 113 not 118.

Still there was no harm done. I was glad that the notes on 'Camp' by Sontag came out. And I applied it to the movie R+J. I just hope that KC doesn't penalize me for borrowing my points from presentation for the other question. Yep, I did simulation by Baudrillard (again) on JBJ. Please please don't penalize me! Cuz my presentation points were very good and I really thought it apt for the question. And of course I tailored my answers (Who wouldn't?!)

Okay okay... I think that's enough ranting about my exams. Right now I need to clear my table from the ravages of the exam. It's unbelievably messy!

Ciao for now.

God has been so good to me.... =)

I think this is the best exam timetable yet. My papers only last slightly more than a week from the 14 to 22 of November. Yup, even though it seems more cramp compared to last semester, I prefer it that way so I don't get to mooch over my final paper on the final day of the exam season when everyone is already losing their heads in the holiday fun.

Heehee... anyway this sem's pace is good. I managed to finish everything wayy ahead of time, which is unbelievable! Seriously I realize if you really want to mean business with your essay, by sitting down and doing it, finishing it one week before the due date is achievable! I've finished all my essays.... Hallelujah! Woot! Praise Jesus.

Sigh.... I've been a hermit for the past two weeks you know.... living in solitude with only my essay and perhaps facebook to amuse me. Nevertheless, I intend to maintain this study pace. I am now taking a break because I've finished organizing 3/4 of all my notes (Organizing, I mean also reading and absorbing them.)

Jesus, thanks for helping me get through this. Heck, I know some of my classmates are smarter than I am, but it doesn't bug me. Because I know, You're going to do this with me again, just like you did it since semester 1. I know, I might be idiotically paranoid and seemingly foolish.... but I'd rather be blur and trust in You than to be some smart arse trusting their own ability.

To Tim, and my caregroup, sorry I couldn't make it for caregroup (I usually show up when it's nearing exams... harhar... says alot about me huh.) But I've read all of your emails when during my break and it's so encouraging to find people believing in the same God of miracles with you, in the midst of all the skeptics (I honestly don't give a **** to them.)

YAY.... I'm the righteousness of God in Christ and we're all so gonna nail the exams together! Yippe!!!! (* That's the chocolate speaking.)